Spring semester of 2004 began, and I was slammed. I was working part-time as a cashier in the college cafeteria, volunteering as a reading tutor at a local elementary school, trying to keep up with schoolwork, and participating in choir and ensemble rehearsals four afternoons a week. In the midst of all that, I found myself desperate to be still in the presence of the Lord, and I spent hours upon hours alone in my dorm room, worshiping Him and writing out prayers in my diary.
Most of those prayers were for guidance, for wisdom, for patience, for purity, and for general spiritual growth and maturity (I’m stating that so that you won’t think I was entirely boy-crazy), but on February 9, I wrote:
Dear Father God,
Okay, I’ll admit it. I’m infatuated with [T]. I’ve liked him for a long time. He is so smart and talented and sweet, and he’s passionate about You. I feel so twitterpated whenever I’m around him, and sometimes I wonder if he doesn’t feel the same about me. I’m probably just imagining things. He’s almost ten years my senior. Why would he be interested in me over all the other girls he’s come in contact with over his years at [college]? But still, sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like he’s smiling with approval…like this morning when I was wearing my choir dress and my face was all made-up. I felt pretty, and when I wished him good morning, his eyes seemed to linger for just a second.
And on February 15:
Father, [T] has been on my mind a lot lately. I would like to get to know him better. I think I like him; I think I like him a whole lot. Please give me wisdom and discernment to know Your will. Please make [T] sensitive to your leading as to whether or not you would have him pursue me. I think he knows, or at least has a hint, that I am interested in him. I haven’t done anything overt, but he has to know that I enjoy being around him and listening to him tell stories. Help us both to seek You diligently and know what to do and when. I am willing to wait for Your timing, dear Father. I surrender all my desires to You. I want Your best, Father. I want to honor You in my relationships and in my choice of a marriage partner.
And two days later, I wrote:
My mind and heart are racing at a million miles per minute….
(To be continued…)
Go to Part 4.